If golf all began again tomorrow you would imagine that things would look very different. How and when some elements of the dress code originated from is anybody’s guess but at least we’re moving in the right direction these days.
It’s on the course where things can continue to niggle. There is an aspect that, if you’ve played the game for a number of years, you become so easily irritated and irrational, and this comes across loud and clear in the below, so let’s try and understand and explain ourselves over what are the absolute bankers not to get wrong.
1) Repair your pitchmarks
This is as old as time but many of us still get this wrong. Not many of us are firing it on the putting surface from 230 yards so it’s not hard to have a good idea of where your ball landed. And it’s even easier to spot. So repair it.
This doesn’t mean digging another hole, just caress things back into place. And point out to your playing partners if they miss theirs. Be that person, there’s nothing wrong with it. Think of all the effort your greenkeepers put in to making your course look spectacular, it’s not a big effort to twiddle a pitchmark repairer for five seconds.
2) Keep quiet
It’s very possible that this is coming from someone who has played the game for 40 years and is a cracking bore. Guilty. But what is so interesting (nothing) that can’t wait five seconds to splurge out of your mouth?
This only really happens on the tee, for some reason we’re a bit quieter on the greens, and we can pretty much do our own thing with our approach shots. So put a zip in it on the tee and let us make a mess of it without your help.
3) Clubs positioning
This is chronically irritating and, again, is so golf specific it paints many of us as absurd. But… we hear so much about pace of play, and it is massive, but do all of us a favour and have a quick look at where the next tee is.
Ask your mates. Watch your mates. If you’re unsure put your clubs down behind the green. Don’t just leave them 20 yards short of the green, putt out and then ask what’s now happening – before scuttling back to your clubs and driving the group behind nuts.
4) Don’t talk (about yourself)
This is possibly the biggest no-no. Nobody on god’s earth wants to hear about your round. This is our favourite hobby and time spent at the golf club is to be cherished and enjoyed. Not listening to you running through your birdies and bogeys and everything else in between.
We all know someone who is so crushingly dull about what they’ve just done for the past three and a half hours but still they painstakingly run through all 18 holes, where their head was at throughout and how it all added up to an 86. Have some self-awareness, have a look round the table at all those glazed expressions and help the conversation flow rather than killing it stone dead.
5) The ball search: Give up
We now have three minutes which, in my humble opinion, isn’t enough. I’m all for speeding up but I’d like a bit more time to locate my ball when I’m already at a low ebb. So not many of us pay attention to the three-minute thing which, away from club comps, seems OK.
What is unacceptable is when the rest of your fourball are now putting out and you’re still doing circles in the rough. None of us like losing balls but it will happen so try and have a bit of dignity and move on.
6) Putting: Where to stand
Again, this paints me in a poor light. But, if you want to irritate someone, then stand right behind them when they putt. There is absolutely no reason why this would even come up with a load of beginners, why wouldn’t you stand behind someone and have the thrill of watching their putt?
You’ll learn something about the break of the putt but not much more than if you stand slightly to the side as normal. It’s more the claustrophobic nature of the exchange. There’s always going to be a comment/stating of the obvious whatever you do with your putt and this is the bit that probably niggles more than any rule breaking (which it is).
7) Shout Fore!
I’ve no idea why it’s Fore but it is. Maybe because it’s so easy to shout, particularly with a three-second build-up of watching your ball head straight towards that fourball on the adjacent fairway.
Don’t mutter something 10 minutes later about ‘not being sure it was anywhere near you’. Err on the side of caution and bellow out a single word to alert some strangers that you’ve hit a golf ball towards them at 150mph.
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